How I Fought Through Creative Depression — Dui Jarrod

Film Courage: We talked earlier about where there was a time where you got kind of stuck in this place where you could not really move. You didn’t want to do this, you did not want to do that and you did not know it was depression. Can you talk about what happened?

Dui Jarrod, Writer/Director: When I started to understand what depression was, there is the clinical definition when you really get down to it. You’re unable to make a decision to move either forward or backwards. You’re really stuck in this very specific place. When I first moved to New York I didn’t realize that I had been going through such a depression because I wasn’t able to write…a play, an essay, anything. I wasn’t able to do anything. And I also wasn’t able to make a decision about what my life was about to look like.

When I started to deal with that I definitely decided to get with a therapist and work through the process of where I was and where I was eventually trying to go. After being able to identify a lot of decisions that I was making in the present was rooted in a lot of stuff that I had done and deal with in the past, like losing my job and trying to prove to people that I had worthiness even though something very valuable to me was actually taken away.

One of the things that the therapist said that really began to transform me was he said Nobody is responsible for your life but you. And how you engage and get back to you is you do the things that you want to do. The things that you enjoy, the things that make you happy. And through that you will be able to kind of start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

That’s when I started to go to as much theater as I could in New York. It was like a seed that had been watered where it was like I was dead in my creative ability and I started to really flourish and start coming up with ideas and started to see the definition of who I was.

There was one specific play called Sunset Baby written by Dominique Morisseau that I think really defined me and my personal journey because she was trying to…(Watch the video interview on Youtube here).







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